He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
