We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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