Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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