so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
