Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
