physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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