Im at strip club and am horny
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
