You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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