Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
