is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize