omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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