I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize