I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
