He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
