I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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