Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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