you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
