She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize