three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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