I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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