I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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