apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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