Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
