I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
