another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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