Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Are we still banned from the library?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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