your room smells of hookers.
And success
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
