Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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