I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
