You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
