Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
