Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
