Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
