You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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