just tell him i said nine months
i just google imaged poop.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
