Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
