Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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