I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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