I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
