Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
