I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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