The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
