Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
