I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
