Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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