in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize