so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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