He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
