i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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