Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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