She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
