If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
