I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
