He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
