Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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