Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
