this beer tastes like vomit already
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize