Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
