then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
