70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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