The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
