i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
