so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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