i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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