We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
