Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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