Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
