you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
"it" just moved
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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