you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
