tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
